July 4th
by Lupawolf67
Summary: England is once again left alone on July the 4th. Normally He passes out after a few bottles but tonight things go one step farther than normal.
1. Chapter 1

_Warning: Dark themes, alcohol, blood and cutting._

_Hetalia belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya_

Why?

I gave him everything. I tried to be a good father, a good mentor but he took everything and through it back in my face.

Sobbing I took another swig from the bottle in my hand. I'd lost count of how many bottle I'd drunk but personally I didn't care. Normally, yes I would have but not tonight. Tonight I drowned my sorrows in bottles of alcohol. Anything to stop the pain and the flashbacks.

I was stumbling up the stairs with another bottle in my hand. Briefly wondering how it got there I continued with my ungraceful journey but stopped when I saw the first water droplet hit the window pane. Great another reminder of that god awful day. Wait.

Why wasn't it working?

By now I should be and unconscious drooling mess on the kitchen floor but here I am standing on the 2nd floor **remembering. **Looking down I decided to just keep drinking and hope for the best.

There was a razor in my hand.

Why was it there?

Against my will I hopped into the full bathtub.

Why am I in the bathroom?

When was my tub filled?

Why was that razor moving towards my bare wrist?

Bright red blood lazily rose to the surface. Oh, the memories stopped hurting so much. The hole in my chest felt a little smaller. Quickly I ran the razor over my skin again. The pain it brought was so sweet compared to what I'd been feeling all night. Why is the room starting to fuzz? Feeling lightheaded I dropped the razor on the floor and watched as the water turned red.

Why was my vision turning black?

I felt free. Freer than I'd felt in many years. Laying back I smiled as the black continued its insistent journey through my vision. There was a banging coming from downstairs but I ignored it. No-one cared enough to check on me. The banging got closer and closer until the door was thrown open. I managed to catch a glimpse of unruly, flame red hair before the darkness encompassed my being.

_Second Chapter? Please tell me if I have the right rating because I really have no idea. _


	2. Chapter 2

_Hetalia belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya_

A siren. Lights. Beeping. Flashes of them came to me. It was the only proof that I wasn't dead. I couldn't decide if I wanted to be. Here floating in the black I was free. Free from pain and memories.

_BEEP, BEEP._

My mind started to wander. It wandered to all the good memories I had. Scotland, Wales and the twins back before they hated me. Peter when he was a little kid who needed his big brother. My first and last memory of my mother, Britannia and her bright kind smile. Even little Alfred in his colony days.

_BEEP, BEEP._

That sounds like a heart monitor.

Questions flew through me.

Why was I in hospital?

Who found me?

Who **cared** enough to check on me?

_Coma… Weeks… Suicide watch… Unresponsive… ry Mr Kirkland._

Snippets of a conversation made their way to me. What I heard was confusing.

Coma? I didn't lose that much blood. Did I?

**Mr Kirkland?** Were they talking about me or one of my brothers? Probably me. Alistair, Ianto and Patrick would be happy about this. No. They would have proffered that I died in that bath tub.

Weeks? How many? Who was doing my job? Dear God. Pease tell me that **France** didn't find out about this. Being molested in my sleep is not on my to do list.

I groaned.

Wait. I can groan?

There was a bright light filtering through my eye lids. I blinked as the world came into focus.

I was in a sterile white hospital room with grey finish a bedside table and one window. Next to me was a heart monitor and other devices that I don't know the name of. I tried to breath trough my mouth but instead found myself chocking on a breathing apparatus. Calming down I turned my head to the side only to find myself chocking from shock. There, curled in a hospital chair looking like the only splash of colour in the room and like he hadn't been home in days, was my eldest brother, Scotland. Alistair.

Just as I started to pass out again the door opened and in walked Wales, Ianto, holding two cups of coffee. When he saw me he dropped both before yelling what sounded like nurse. My last thought before falling into oblivion was,

"_**Do my brothers actually care?**_"

_AN: Sorry this took so long but exams have been on for the last few weeks. Written when I was meant to be doing my English assignment. Thank you for the support guys. _


	3. Chapter 3

_Hetalia belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya_

_**SPOV**_

I can see it every time I close my eyes. There he is, lying there. So still and pale with unfocused green eyes that stared unseeing at me. I don't know what will haunt me more, his eyes or the sight of that water shining like a ruby in the light of the moon.

_Why Arthur?_

When I wake up with my heart beating a mile a minute I look around and hope it was all just a dream, but then I see him. Pale and still. Almost deathly so.

That stupid little boy didn't know what he was setting in motion by leaving like that; he tramples everyone and everything, but he didn't just trample my brother, no, he **broke **him. **Broke, **my proud, sarcastic, _strong _little brother.

But I can't see him like that anymore. Not after finding him there. I blame myself for it. I always go and make sure he is all right, but this time I let that bloody yank hold me up. Keep me away from Arty.

I don't hate Arthur, not really. It's just that he was always mum's favourite, and he looks so much like her that it was so hard to look at him. If I could go back I'd show him just how much he means to me, I'd show him how much I care.

But it's hard to think of what could have been. It's so hard now to think of my strong brother when I look at him, lying in that bed, he looks so small and fragile, dwarfed by the gown and all those machines. When I look at him now all I can think is,

"_**You used to be so big."**_

_**WPOV**_

I miss the old days, the days before Arthur went off with that Frenchman. Those days were happy for all of us. I know that Alistair misses them as well, I can see it when he looks at Arthur now days. I can see how all this has hit him hard, that he blames himself for not getting to Arthur sooner. To be frank, so do I.

I blame him for not getting there sooner, I blame him for not leaving at the time he always did, but most of all I blame myself for letting the yank talk to Alistair. I could blame anyone I want for this but deep down I always knew that this was coming, that Arthur was only a few drinks and a rain storm away from trying this. I knew and I never told anyone about it, and for that I blame myself.

Almost without my knowing, I walk out of the small room. I'm in a daze but that's not new. I've been in this daze for almost 3 weeks. I'm at the counter in the canteen ordering coffee. Horrible stuff but Scotty and I both need it.

Next thing I know I'm standing outside Arthur's room. Pushing open the door time seems to freeze. There he is. Awake. I'd of thought it a dream if not of the barely audible groan. His eyes become unfocused and acting on instinct my hands go slack and I yell,

"_**NURSE!"**_

_AU: I am here! This has been lying in my English book for weeks and I've only just got round to typing it. Sorry for the wait. I will try to be better with the next chapter. Also I would like to apologise for not writing in Scottish or Welsh accents but they are one of the many things I don't know how to put into writhing. _


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